It’s been ages since I’ve done a confession post, but something I definitely want to keep doing. For some reason I just love writing these and find myself thinking about it often. A little change of pace but something really fun for me (and I hope you too!)

1. I love living the small town life and I’m really settling in. At first I missed eating out, not that we did tons, but once in a while is more than never! But even that is something I’ve gotten used to. I love being able to walk to the grocery store, take the wagon inside, and get what I want. We go about every day for this or that and it’s just so lovely. I don’t drive much and everything I need (groceries, bank, post office, school, and our garden) are within 3 blocks of my house. Sure there are some drawbacks (like no Taco Bell or fabric store), but for the most part I’m really liking things.

walk to the store

2. I bawled the day I sent my oldest to Kindergarten last week. And the night before. And just about anytime anyone asked me about it the month previous. I walked her to her room that morning and started sobbing the minute I walked out alone. Full on ugly crying, down the whole long hall to the door. I’ve been dreading the day since she was about three and now it’s real. She is GONE for hours and hours a day. I had no idea that this would be such a painful transition. I know it’s not so traumatic for everyone but I’m struggling terribly with it. Is it summer yet??

first day of school

3. I have a super ghetto stove that I use in a semi-ghetto kitchen. I’m not complaining, I’m just letting you know (most things are better than washing dishes in a bucket for 9 months). Sometimes I think that it looks like all food bloggers are blogging from, creating in, and using the most gorgeous Better Homes and Gardens inspired kitchens. Well, we aren’t all that lucky. The house is a rental and the stove was here; one day I’ll be livin’ the dream but until then I have this. The knob to adjust the oven temperature is broken so I use some pliers and a thermometer. I have three plugs in the kitchen including that beauty which is half hidden by the ghetto stove. And yes, I use that classy foil to cover the permanently black burner pans. Fancy I know! And I wonder why BHG hasn’t contacted me about being in their magazine 😉

ghetto stove

4. I’m not a squeamish bug-hating type of lady. I can kill my own spiders, catch and feed grasshoppers to my hens, and let my little boys have “friends”.

boyfriend and his bug

5. I mentally struggle with pregnancy weight – I’m about 31 weeks along (due on Halloween no less!). I’ve gained about 30 pounds so far and still have months left. It’s not like I started out “too thin” either… I was probably 10 to 15 pounds heavier than I was before I got pregnant with the other kids. I know this is all pretty normal and I’m grateful to be carrying a healthy baby but I struggle so terribly with the weight gain. I look in the mirror and cringe. Some days I just feel so disgusted and sick of myself that I just cry. How do I get over these feelings?! I feel like I eat normal portions of healthy food and skip out on things that I want to eat but know aren’t great choices. I also walk for about 40 minutes most mornings and go to water aerobics for an hour four days a week. So if I’m eating well, active, and healthy, why can’t I just embrace the weight?  It’s so hard to talk to anyone about it too because the only response I get is “You’re pregnant!”. I know, I know, but it doesn’t mean that my brain is ok with getting chubby. Am I a total nut?

baby bump at 30 weeks

6. I’m in love with my garden. It’s a giant weedy mess right now that is plum full of delicious things to eat. Best. Hobby. Ever. Ok, that isn’t really much of a secret. If you are on instagram with me you know I can’t get enough of it 🙂 Any fellow gardeners sharing my love right now?

PicMonkey Collage

7. I’ve been craving these Triple Chocolate Brownies from about 6 days now. It’s a recipe from America’s Test Kitchen and definitely the best brownie recipe I’ve ever made. Really really good stuff. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out on this craving! Anyone wanna split a pan 🙂 I’ll mail you some!

triple chocolate brownies 1

Do you have anything to confess? I’m all ears.

Thanks for letting me dish. You all are the best.

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21 Responses
  1. Hey Melissa, I TOO struggle so hard with gaining weight and feeling that way during pregnancy. My last pregnancy I stopped looking at the scale once I had gained over 70 lbs. This pregnancy I’ve gained two pounds so far, but I was up about 15 from where I should be…so really, I don’t consider that a huge feat. You don’t look like you’re big at all and you look adorable, so I’d just enjoy your pregnancy and not let it get to you. I was up 30 lbs FAST in my first pregnancy! BUT once I started breastfeeding it fell off fast, so I feel like I’ll do my best to be healthy and not gain so much, but really I’ll focus on changing my lifestyle and dieting after the baby comes. Hang in there, I’m SO with you on that. 🙂

    And P.S. That is one BIIIIG darn bug! OMG.

    1. Melissa

      Congrats on #2!!! Man, 70 is a killer. I gained about that much with #3 and my goal this time was just to gain less than last time but only time will tell! We can be lose the baby weight friends next year ok? Thanks for the kind thoughts!

  2. I am totally in love with your blog, Melissa! I am new here, but I am already looking forward to every new post. I have already tried your muffins with zucchini and pineapples, so delicious!

    You look amazing, and frankly speaking I would never say that you should watch out because of the weight! 🙂

    Greetings from Switzerland,
    Natasha

  3. cami struiksma

    You look great! I can understand feeling sad about pregnancy weight gain though. Its hard. My confession… Sometimes I wait to change a poppy diaper when out and about, so when we get home, I can pawn it off on the man (“I think she just did it… Can you change her? I’m so tired from being out…)

  4. Beka

    Fist off, I had a stove just like that when we moved in! We saved up for four years to buy a new one 😀 Also, we had just one plug in our kitchen, so the hubs had to install another and make it newer to actually pass inspection, lol!

    Second, you are BEAUTIFUL. I can’t blame you, as I had the same problems mentally with gaining weight while pregnant. But you seriously look beautiful and healthy 🙂

  5. I am just as pregnant as you, due the 26th of Oct. And I feel the same. And I’ve already gained 30 lbs too. I hate it as well, and hope it will come off. It seemed to with my first and I weighed the same after my 2nd as I normally did, but it was redistributed weight, and I haven’t been able to figure out how to loose that squishy tummy love! Good luck! You look great!

  6. I agree with Beka… you look beautiful! That said, I totally get mental about weight gain while pregnant. It doesn’t matter that I have a healthy baby and I know it’s normal (OK… that MATTERS, but not with regards to this). I still worry and cringe the whole time. I think the best thing for me is finding clothes I feel pretty in at that weight and continuing to do healthy things and telling myself I don’t need to be skinny, I need to be healthy (which you so are! :)).

    Also, all that being said, Umm… I’ll take the brownies! 🙂

    I just sent my baby off to 1st grade. All day. 🙁 I miss him so much. I have looked forward to/dreaded this day for his WHOLE LIFE. And now I’m sad. And I hate that I don’t know what he’s up to all day. And that his brother misses him. And that it’s all just WRONG… while being right for him. Sigh. Mommy party anyone?

    1. Melissa

      I’m so in on the mommy party. Here’s the kicker. Kindergarten here is FULL DAY! Isn’t that sad and weird. So I’m totally feeling your pain.

  7. Chelise Larsen

    I too think you look amazing, and I am not just saying that. My confession, my oldest starts school tomorrow and I think I will be doing a happy dance and not crying. I feel a like I should at least be a little upset.

  8. amy hines

    I love reading everything that you post. I am so jealous of your walking to everything. I love living the small town life and miss it so much. Thanks for sharing. Lol Amy

  9. natasha

    You look beautiful!!! Really, really, really!! Having your body changing for years on end (pregnancy, recovering, nursing, pregnant again, etc.) is so hard. I have been working so hard on trying to love my body, now. Not when I start running, or when I’m done nursing, or when I’m done having kids but NOW. I look in the mirror and try to love what I see, even though it’s flabby, stretched and white. I try to see that that’s beautiful, and it’s me. You really are beautiful and next time you look in the mirror, try to love it! 🙂 Thanks for the post!

  10. Michelle

    Something about that fourth baby changes your body. I wasn’t super thin after Charlotte but having Lydia, and I’m never going to reclaim that. Don’t think about your pre-baby body–think about your amazing body that can grow and feed a baby! I think you look beautiful. No, really. You are one of the prettiest pregnant women I know!

    I’d like to say it gets easier to send your kids to school, but I miss Emily every day. And I actually get excited on days that she is sick, so she can stay home with me. Matt thinks it’s silly….but he misses them too!

  11. Stephanie Cooper

    You seriously look beautiful! I wish I looked that good when I was pregnant! I can understand how you feel though. Even if you are caring a baby, you (meaning all prego women) just look different and sometimes it’s hard to accept. I’m going to message you my personal blog so you can see what I looked like right before I gave birth. Preeclampsia at it’s finest! Super puffy mess! You can look at it and think, well, at least I still have eyes! My friend gave birth on Thursday. On Wednesday I showed her the picture and we had a good laugh about it. She felt the same what that you do and it helped make her feel a little better 🙂

  12. AnnaBanana

    Have to chime in that I am your sister in pregnancy weight feelings. I read about all the women who actually lose weight and are nice and slim w/ that cute bump, and I wish I could pull it off but so far I’ve gained an upper normal amount of weight every time. I don’t love me in the mirror but baby is healthy and doesn’t care if my bum and thighs are extra large. AND all it all goes away eventually if I try to eat right and stay active…just very humbling in the meantime. Besides, it’s the only time I have a chest!

    1. Melissa

      So true on the only time I have a chest. LOL. I’ll hold on to my “it’s the little things that count” mentality and add that one to the list! Thanks so much for the support 🙂

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Bless This Mess - About Me

I’m Melissa, and I want to help you feed your family wholesome food.

As a hobby farmer and mom of five, I’m all about keeping it simple in the kitchen. I want healthy meals that feed my family well, and then I want to get back to my (messy) life. Let’s work together to find something yummy for your dinner table.

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