It’s a rare Sunday that I’m posting here on the blog and I’ll tell you why. November is National Novel Writing Month. Authors make crazy goals to write huge amounts and really hammer out some of the thoughts they have in their heads. It’s a goal making and reaching marathon of sorts. In a similar fashion, bloggers try to post every day for the month of November. I know that might not sound like a huge deal, but trust me on this one. Thirty posts in November is the same amount of posts I published in March, April, and May of this year combined. It’s a big goal but one I’ve really mentally committed to. NaBloPoMo is a crazy way of saying “National Blog Post Month” and I’m going for it this year. I want to do it to prove to myself that I can. I want to stretch my writing skills and try new post styles. I want to regain the traffic and momentum that I lost during my pregnancy and stint with depression this year. I. Can. Do THIS!
That being said, I don’t normally post on Sundays. Blogging is my job and I have a very personal commitment to not work on Sundays as part of my Sabbath observance. I don’t normally share much about my religion or religious views here, but I’m going to take Sundays to share a scripture and some thoughts with you. It’s my way of finding balance with the NaBloPoMo challenge while still keeping my sabbath a special day.
There was an amazing talk in General Conference this October called My Heart Pondereth Them Continually By Devin G. Durrant. Here’s the meat and potatos of Elder Durrant’s message:
I invite you to “ponderize” one verse of scripture each week. The word ponderize is not found in the dictionary, but it has found a place in my heart. So what does it mean to ponderize? I like to say it’s a combination of 80 percent extended pondering and 20 percent memorization.
There are two simple steps:
First, choose a verse of scripture each week and place it where you will see it every day.
Second, read or think of the verse several times each day and ponder the meaning of its words and key phrases throughout the week.
Imagine the uplifting results of doing this weekly for six months, a year, 10 years, or more.
As you make this effort, you will feel an increase in spirituality. You will also be able to teach and lift those you love in more meaningful ways.
I heard this and thought, “Hey, even I can do that!”. It’s a simple thing that just takes a little time and planning, but one that will make a big difference in my day. So I thought I’d share the scripture that I plan on “ponderizing” for the week. It’s Luke 21:19.
I made this to print out and hang on my fridge so that I see it all the time. If you’d like to ponderize this scripture with me this we I would LOVE that. You can right-click and save the image to print for your own fridge.
“In your patience possess ye your souls.”
This next part is pretty painful for me to write.
I searched the work “patience” in the scriptures and read lots and lots of verses that contained the word. I need patience in my life so very much. I hope that seeing this often will remind me of another goal that I’ve set for myself.
I am going to stop yelling at my kids.
You read that right. I yell at my kids. I’m not sure when it started, sometime after I had my 4th baby and then it really became an ugly habit during this last pregnancy when I was struggling so much with depression and feeling so poorly physically. And a habit it has become. I hate it, but I do it.
With sick kids and not leaving the house much combined with little sleep and too much cleaning to do, I have had a really hard time this week with patience which I really feel like is the root of my yelling. I was trying to run errands and asked the four-year-old to find his shoes and get into the suburban. I had utilities bills to drop off the day before it was due, mail to drop off and pick up at the post office because it’d been days since I had, and I had chickens to feed and water because they’ve been overlooked during sickness survival mode. Nothing major, just things I had to do that day. The baby was fed and I had a little tiny window to get these things done. He couldn’t find shoes and just cried and cried about me even asking him to look. I gave up on the shoes and just asked him to get in. Melt. DOWN!!! He was crying while laying on the sidewalk and I had the other babies in the car already to go. I stood 15 feet away from him and yelled at him to get in the car. JUST GET IN!!! More tears, more refusing, more yelling. I finally had to march over to him and drag him in. Did I do it kindly? No I sure didn’t. I wasn’t kind to him. I was tired and grumpy. I got in the car and cried on the way to all my errands.
It hit me that if I’m yelling outside where people can here me and not just in my house, I officially have a problem.
I have a problem.
I am a yeller.
I hate it.
So dear friends. If you haven’t given up on me yet after reading that. Thank you.
I’m committing to you, to my babies, and to myself to stop yelling. Not only will I be posting this whole month, but I will also be attempting to go 30 whole days without yelling at my kids. The latter sounds like a much harder feat to me. I actually started the day that I yelled outside and I haven’t yelled since, so I’m on day 2 :)
My scripture this week is to help me with my goal.
“In your patience possess ye your souls.”
I hope that you’ll ponderize with me and share your thoughts with me. You can tell me what you think of the scripture and how it applies to your life (since I just told you the context I am reading it in). If you have any thoughts on my goal to stop yelling I’m all ears too.
Thank you for being here. Accountability is huge and I just made myself very very accountable. Thank you for being that for me.
I will not be remembered as a mama who screamed at her kids. I’ve but in too many great hours to let it all burn down now. My kids deserve better and I am better than that. I can do hard things. Love does.